Potheads Experience
by PriNcEsS-oF-D-c
Summary: Harry smoking Pot? WtF? Ron trying to be lyk Harry! WtF? Hermione doing nothing! Ok I dont know wot I'm writing soo just read...Dont judge me in your reviews, So Be NiCe!...Hogwarts has become a breeding ground for freaks it seemz..
1. What The?

Me and my sister (username: Claire_bear) made this up a while ago but it was so stupid so I decided to fix it up a tad. ChEeRz!  
  
Disclaimer: I own... The stupid plot... Professor Lopez... Sooth-Juice Potion.... And many more that I cant think of so YEAH TAKE THAT JK ROWLING!!! :  
  
Potheads Experience  
  
Chapter one-  
  
*******  
  
'Ding Dong'  
  
Vernon Dursley got up from the breakfast table a little more annoyed than usual.  
"I suppose I'll get the door then," he muttered under his breath forgetting that he couldn't call on Harry anytime he needed.  
  
"I'm sorry to bother you sir," the young boy at the door said, realising he had interuppted this old man's breakkie. "But I have a telegraph here, from a mister Harry Potter..."  
  
Vernon snatched the letter off the boy and slammed the door shut.  
  
"Who is it dear?" Questioned the nosy Petunia.  
"Never you mind Petunia," Snarled Vernon through gritted teeth.  
  
"It has something to do with that no good ex-step son of ours doesn't it?" Continued Petunia ignoring Vernon's attempts to stop the subject.  
  
"I don't know why he keeps sending us letters when he knoes we don't want anything too do with him! Ever since he left for the Hogwarts, Witches and Wizards school we are having nothing to do with him. Isn't that right, Vernon?"  
  
"Petunia!! I know the story, I was there!" Roared Vernon thoroughly frustrated.  
  
"And thank god he decided to stay at that school, this is his last year and he is not welcome back in this household! No matter what the stupid letter says" Said Vernon, his face slowly turning a gorgeous shade of purple.  
  
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!  
  
"He's awake," whispered Petunia into her coffee.  
  
You can almost hear beethoven's 9th as the huge 17 year old boy clobbers down the stairs.  
  
"Whats for breakfast?! Where is my breakfast?!?" Cries Dudley, looking on the verge of tears.  
  
"Hold on Dudley! I'm not Harry ya know, I'm not used to making our own breakfast. Dudley- sweetums take that top off it has pizza stains on it," asked Petunia quietly.  
  
"I can do what-ever the hell I want!" Replied Dudley harshly.  
  
"O-Okay I sorry sweetie,"  
  
******  
  
As Petunia is trying to figure out what an oven is, Harry is blissfully unaware of their probelms. As a matter-of-fact he is having his own problems.  
  
"Ron, Ron? Have you seen my favourite cape anywhere? Ya know the one that makes me looks more heroic than I am? It's the last year of Hogwarts and I wanna make a good impression. Besides my mum hand-sewed it before she died," Harry asked quietly.  
  
"Nope, sorry Harry haven't seen your cape anywhere and your mum didn't sew it, you bought it from Movie World, in Diagon Alley, from the Batman shop! Remeber, and you bought the mask as well."  
  
"Oh yeah, I just wanted to be cool," Harry said casting his eyes down.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry, I-I'll pretend your mum sewed it," Ron loyaly said.  
"Will you? Thanks, but say I did, I always wanted to sew but I-I..." Harry stopped not being able to continue and broke down.  
  
"Oh, there there, it's alright, everybody has their problems," Ron reassured Harry.  
  
"But at the moment, I have a bigger problem, Scabbers has gone missing again," Ron told Harry his bottom lip trembling.  
  
"Ron, you dumb-ass, Scabbers turned out to be Wormtail, remeber, and he escaped into hiding!" Harry told his idiotic friend.  
  
"He what?! Hiding? Now I'll never be able to find him...Wait, you knew about this and you never told me? I'll kill you!"  
  
Ron jumped on top off Harry and they started rolling around.  
  
'Knock, Knock' Hermione popped her head in.  
  
"Aren't you boys ready yet? I've been ready since 6am and now its 8! Come on! Breakfast is being served." Hermione said matter-o-factly.  
  
All three of them hurried down the corridors and into the Main Hall where they stood frozen.  
  
Draco Malfoy stood there, grinning from ear-to-ear as he held a rat by his tail above Goyle's hungry mouth.  
  
"Scabbers!" Ron cried out in agony, "Nooo please don't!"  
  
"Ron thats not Scabbers that's a mouse not a rat" Hermione said.  
Ron formed his mouth into an 'oh' sort of shape and shutted up.  
  
Draco seemed surprised...  
"This isn't your mouse?Bah!"  
  
He dropped the small mouse and both Goyle and Crabbe jumped up for the kill but goyle got there first. He chewed on the mouse and swallowed. (A/N: Sorry I hate animal cruelty but this is probably the kinda thing Goyle would do for food...)  
  
"Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts," Boomed Dumbledore's vioce, magically risen. "And a special welcome to all our first year students. Just one reminder though, you just stay out of the potions lab storerooms if you wish to keep all your fingers. Also, no-one is to go into the forrbidden forest, blah blah blah..." Dumbledore trailed off.  
  
"Oh also there is a new DADA teacher...Ms. Lopez" Announced the Headmaster.  
  
"Umm yeah so enjoy the feast!"  
  
"I wonder why Dumbledore's so edgy about that Potion storeroom," Wondered Harry out loud.  
  
"Hmmm, yeah quidditch is fascinating," Hermione said clearly not listening. Her eyes wondered over to the Slytherin's table where they stopped on Malfoy.  
  
Malfoy noticed this and raised his glass as if announcing a toast.  
Ron also noticed the connection they seemed to be having and decided to deal with it later.  
  
After dinner, Ron followed Malfoy out and shoved him against a wall when no- body was around.  
  
"Malfoy, whats with you and Herms? Huh?! You never liked her and your not our friends so stay away!" Threatened Ron.  
  
"Weasley! Get your hands off me! I may have realations with whom-ever I please! So go back to your pathetic friends and them to enjoy every minute with her because you wont be together much longer," Draco replied flashing ron his famous smirk.  
  
After this, Ron punched him right in the nose making him collapse to the floor.  
  
A few teachers turned the corner and faced them but didn't even notice what was happening. The professors ( Snape, Lopez) didn't even turn their heads in their direction when Draco called out for Snape.  
  
"You'll pay for this Weasley!" Yelled Draco and stormed off in the other direction holding his nose.  
  
During their first class, History of Magic, all Ron could think about was Draco and Hermione and it drove him crazy!  
  
Harry notcied his behaviour and questioned.." Ron, do you like Hermione?"  
  
Ron's head snapped up from the desk and barked (A/N: Woof woof?) " No Pothead! Leave me aloooooooone!" He said while having his face to the ceiling.  
  
'How did he know I smoked pot? He must have saw me' Thought Harry.  
  
******  
  
"Minerva, what shall we do when a student asks whats in the Potions storeroom thats so dangerous?" Questioned Dumbledore to McGonagall.  
  
"I'm not sure Albus, damn it! We should have destroyed it when we had the chance."  
  
"Minerva, be resonable, we didn't know that the love potion we were trying to form turned out to be a Sooth-Juice Potion."  
  
"Oh, Albus I know I'm just so scared. Hold me,"  
  
And he did.  
  
A/N: OMG! Thats gotta be the stupidest story I've ever writen...Oh well I'm bored you cant blame me can you? Just Review so I know how ya'll felt. It's supposed to be humourous but I dunno....I dont care....JUST REVIEW!!! pretty please wif sugar on top?...umm sugar... 


	2. What The? Continued!

Potheads Experience  
  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, pot smoking Harry, Lopez, Sooth-Juice potoin and my stupidity.  
  
Chapter Two-  
  
*******  
  
Harry awoke in his bed after a tiring day yesterday.  
He opened his eyes and tried to focus his eyes but all he saw was a blur. He screamed bloody murder.  
  
"Oh MY GODDDD!!!!!!!! I've gone BLIND!!! Ahhh!!!!" Harry screamed, his fists scrunched into balls shaking them at the side of his head.  
  
"Somebody...please help me," Harry whispers falling to the bottom side of his bed, silent tears streaming down his face.  
  
He heard Ron stirr next to him and heard mutterings of  
"No Draco..mmm..I can't go through with it...officially married..."  
  
'Oh no, now I'm blnd and deaf!' Harry though as he wailed louder, his voice squeaking.  
  
"Mm...Harry whats wrong? I'll teach you to sew if thats it," Ron voice said from behind his curtains.  
  
"I can't see..." He whispered "I've gone blind, how will I live?"  
"Ohh Harry...shh...there there your not blind, you just dont have your glasses on." Said Ron appearing next to Harry.  
  
Ron removed Harrys glasses from his face and passed them to Harry.  
"There you go buddy, I was just...um...keeping them warm for ya"  
  
"Thanks," sniffed Harry, "Your a good friend."  
As Harry put his glasses on he noticed alot more things about Ron.  
  
"Oh! Ron you've got comething at the corner of your mouth!" Exclaims Harry, reaching out and grabbing some of the stuff with his finger. He licked it.  
  
"My Pot!! You've been into my stash again, haven't you haven't you? Look at me!" Harry demanded. Harry gasped and pointed at Ron's face and back.  
  
"Your the one that took my Batman cape and mask! How could you I thought we were friends," sobbed Harry, getting sympathetic looks from fellow housemates.  
  
"Harry, I don't know where those things came from you have to believe me, I would do anything to be like you, I mean make you happy!" Ron explained, pushing his hair back with his hands.  
  
Harry gasped once again.  
"Whats that on your head Ron? Your hurt oh no!!" Said Harry, tears threatening to fall.  
  
"Hmm what?" Asks Ron, as he walked into the bathroom, over to the mirror to see what make Pothead so nervous.  
Ron closed the door, and smiled. Finally he was alone and could do what he wanted.  
  
"My scar!" Cries Ron in fake agony as he clutches his head, "It hurts! V-v- v, Who-Know-who is near! But fear not everyone!" Ron yells jumping up from the ground and pulling his batman cape around his face.  
  
"For I Harry Potter, will save you!! **humms the superman theme**. Oh no it's cat woman," Ron cries, holding out a pretend sword and pretends to stop the badies.  
  
"And the crowd goes wild!! CHHH!!! CHHH!!!" He says to himself and then puts on his best womany voice.  
  
"Ohh Harry, we love you, kiss us,"  
"Sorry ladies but this is Ronald Weasley that saved the day!" Ron continues changing his voice pitch along the way.  
  
"Oh Ron! We always loved you more, please come make-out with us,"  
"Alright ladies but I..." Ron was cut off by someone knocking at the door.  
  
"Ron? Ron, whats going on in there?" Harry questions from outside.  
"Umm, nothing Harry just freshening up!" Retorts Ron from the bathroom.  
  
There is no more noise coming from Harry so Ron continues but checks the time and starts to get ready for the day. He walks over to the mirror and see's a red lightning bolt shape that he felted on last night.  
  
He runs the water and scrubs at his forehead trying to get rid of the mark he put there.  
"Ron? Ron? Come on out you've been in there almost ten minutes!" Says Harry, banging on the door.  
  
'Ten minutes, time flies when your saving the world.'  
"I'll be out in five minutes!" Ron yells through the door.  
  
Ron hold his arms out and starts swishing them about as if he's flying.  
"Over there!" Ron shouts to himself, "It's a mutated spider!"  
  
He immediately put his hands down and starts screaming in his girly voice,  
"Ron! Came save us Ron! We love you Ron!"  
  
He raised his hands up again.  
"Have no fear, I will stop it with the powers of my hands!"  
  
Ron heads over to the bare wall and starts bitch slapping it.  
"Die spider, die!! Yes, it is...AHHH!!!" Ron screamed as a real tiny spider make its way across the wall.  
  
Ron screams and run out the bathroom door where he smacks into Harry.  
"Oh hey I was..umm..getting ready," Says Ron.  
  
"Come on! We have to go!" Comes a voice from the door as Hermine, pops her head in.  
"Umm yeah sure can we meet you down in 5 minutes?" Harry questions.  
  
As Hermione leaves Harry turns to Ron.  
"Ron, give me my cape, mask and pot!" He says.  
  
Ron reluctantly removes the cape and mask and give Harry the packet of Pot, and cast his eyes down.  
  
"Thanks, you go to breakfast, I have some...things to attend to." And with that Harry ushered Ron out, and everyone else.  
  
When they all left Harry stacked his pot where no-one would ever go, the shower, and after that he took out his bong.  
  
*********  
  
"Ron. Have you seen Harry?" Asked Hermione as they sat down to breakfast.  
  
"Umm, he needed some stuff to do before he would come to breakfast."  
"Oh. What do you have first?"  
  
"Potions der! We're in the same class..."  
"I know, wow we have alot in common"  
  
Ron started shovling food in his mouth as Harry walked in and took a seat next to hermione.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Your eyes are bleeding Harry!" Ron cries out, making everyone give him strange looks.  
  
"No, Ron, there only bloodshot, you can get it if you dont get enough sleep or if you smoke...."  
Hermione quickly looked at Harry and whispered.  
  
"Harry! We told you not to do that anymore! What were all those rehab lessons for?!"  
Harry gave her a confused look and then raised his middle finger.  
  
"Hermione...I'm the one that went into rehab for thinking that I could save the world, and thinking that if I tried I might become popular" Says Ron.  
  
Hermione put her mouth into a 'oh' shape and started eating again.  
Professor Snape and Lopez came through the doors at the same time and took their place at the head breakfast table.  
  
"Professor...our best shot is to tell the students what in the potion storeroom...so they dont go in there!" Snape whispers to the headmaster.  
  
Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment and then replies.  
"Alright, I'll tell them at dinner,"  
  
******* ~LUNCH~  
  
"Heys guys," Hermione whispers to the two boys.  
"Do you want to go to the Potions Storeroom and see whats the big deal? I mean it can be like an adventure of something."  
  
The boys give her a strange look.  
"Who the hell are you?!" Asks one of them. "Fuck off you retard," Says the other.  
  
Hermione shruggs and walks over to where Harry and Ron were sitting.  
  
(A/N: Did you think she was talking to harry & Ron...dont deny it)  
  
"Hey guys," She says to them, taking a sit next to Ron.  
"Hey I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Potions Storeroom and see what the big deal? I mean it can be like an adventure of something."  
  
"Yeh, I agree, it would be fun," Harry says his eyes normal again.  
"Alright are we taking the invisibilty cloak?" Ron asks.  
  
"Umm yeah it would be alot easier," Harry continues,  
"Lets go now,"  
  
All three of them get up and head to the Gryffindor common room for Harry to collect his Invisability cloak.  
  
"Okay, I got it!" Harry yells down to his friends.  
Ron give him the thumbs up as Hermione rolls her eyes.  
  
As they headed down towards the storeroom, Hermione continues complaining.  
"Ron! Your wand is poking into my back again!"  
  
Ron looks puzzled and then blushes as he re-arranges himself.  
"Oh...um...yeah my ...ah...my wand, thats what it was..." Ron covers.  
  
They reached the entrance and pushed the door slighty ajar.  
They stepped through the darkness and an invisible force pulled them apart slamming them to different sides to the room.  
  
As they tried to get up, they found it hard to breathe and collapsed to the floor.  
  
**********  
  
A/N: I know its short but I have no time to write....besides why do you care? I told you it was stupid but noooo you just went on and read it anyway...your fault not mine! NOT MY FAULT, NOT MY FAULT **covers ears with hands and yells, LALALA**  
  
But if you did like it for some twisted reason please give a nice review, whoever gives nice reviews i always look at their stories, dont not give a flame, i dont care if you dont like my story but dont tell me about it you evil creatures!!! NICE REVIEW....NICE REVIEW  
  
Next Chapter: What will happen?...Dont look at me for the answers...I haven't written it yet!  
  
Please feel free to read my other stories...in my charmed one there are pictures : but their in chapter two so read read read!...if you want... CIAO  
  
************ 


End file.
